Male depression

My rhinitis is acting up again. I'm having difficulty wearing contact lenses and I have a throbbing headache. I want to sleep but I can't, in the same way that I've been meaning to cry but I can't. There's this huge balloon of negative emotions inside my chest and it's getting bigger everyday. I can't get the emotions out, no matter how hard I try.

Based on my diagnosis, I have "male" depression. Nope, fortunately, I'm not depressed because of some male creature. What I have is covert depression, a kind of psychological condition that is common among males. According to this article it has three major symptoms: "First, men attempt to escape pain by overusing alcohol or drugs, working excessively or seeking extramarital affairs. They go into isolation, withdrawing from loved ones. And they may lash out, becoming irritable or violent."

I'm not into alcohol or drugs and I am not about to seek an extramarital affair for the simple reason that I'm still single.I just wouldn't go out with good guys, marrying types, nice guys and all other kinds of guys I wouldn't have a hard time introducing to my Dad. I now prefer wasted, carefree types who would run at the first hint of the word "US." I haven't been working excessively--I'm just not the type. I just waste too much time alone, doing nothing. And I have become irritable, and, to some degree, violent.

Like most depressed men I currently feel disconnected. Part of it could be caused by the fact that I've been in virtual isolation for most of the past 11 months since I resigned from my last job.

Part of it could be caused by the fact that, due to a very recent heartache, I am currently in a confused state.

And then there are the mounting responsibilities at home, my growing dissatisfaction with my career, and the list goes on. I've been having a hard time praying, which is really sad.

I hope I'll be able to overcome this soon. My workload's about to pile up and I can't go working and walking around like a Zombie. Please pray that I get this out of my chest soon. Yes, please pray that I can cry my heart out, and get this over and done with.

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But as always there are some good news:

I have a new and interesting racket. It's something that I've never done before and I am so excited. No, it's not financially rewarding. But it's something really interesting, too bad I can't tell you about it just yet, in about a couple of weeks, maybe, if it bears some "fruit."

It's amazing to know that there are actually more people reading this blog than I care to acknowledge. To my readers: Thanks for putting up with my craziness, pettiness, shallowness, and my katarayan. I love you all!

(Showbiz!)