I'm back :)

Not that anyone cares. Hehe.

I just need to start writing again. There's just no other way but to write. write. write!!!!

Because it's been so long there are just too many things I want to write about. But first let me start with this:

I've been meaning to start a new blog primarily because this one has too many depressing entries and I'd really like to be more joyful...I want my blog readers (as if!) to feel like they're talking to me in person when they're reading this blog because, believe it or not, I'm a generally fun person.

I know I've had my share of depressing moments and disappointments but that is just one small part of who I am. And I want this blog to reveal the other parts that make me ME.

I used to blog about my depressing, and almost non-existent, lovelife in the past so I guess I have to say something about that part of my life today as I resurrect this blog.

I'm still in love with the same man I've been in love with for the past couple of years or so. Yes, that man I know I can never be with. Sometimes I still wonder if he thinks about me at all. Or if he even remembers me. I bet he doesn't even care.

Sometimes I still want to believe what my friend Kim said that it's impossible for him not to have felt anything for me. But the thing is I really don't know. And I doubt if I'll ever know. I just wish that he'll be happy, that God would bless him. Don't worry I no longer spend my days pining for him--not that much anyway.

I'm seriously trying to open myself up to any possibility. I try to make myself kilig over some guy kahit medyo pilit. I know I have to move on. I'm nurturing several friendships with guys I know sincerely care for me. Guys who are capable and who would defend me when the need arises.

Not that I want to dwell on THAT guy again but while we're on the topic I just got to thinking how come there are love stories that are just not meant to be? If we're not meant to be with that person anyway why does God, in all His wisdom and power, still allow us to meet and fall for that person? I'm a person who believes that nothing ever happens by accident. Everything has a reason. I know there's a reason why our paths crossed, I just don't know it yet.

You know how I feel about him right now? I feel he is one person I would love forever, even if I don't get to see him again. Someday, I'll have my own family, I'd be married to a man I'm destined to be with for the rest of my life, we'd have beautiful kids and we'd be happy. But I know I would still love him. Maybe not with the same intensity that I do now, but I will definitely not forget him. I'd still like to know the truth of what really happened between us someday although I know that is just wishful thinking.

To you my dear,

I don't know if you will ever get to read this post. But I want you to know what I had for you was the real thing. I would have wanted to make things work but I couldn't do it at the expense of throwing away the real me. But that doesn't mean I love you any less. I bet you had no clue that you were the first person who is not related to me that I really loved unconditionally. Yes it's true! I never hated you even if I hated the stupid things you do. I hope someday you'll experience how to love like this, I just hope yours will be generously reciprocated. I love you, always remember that.

PS. Sorry for the mean things I've said. I get crazy like that sometimes.