Crying again

I spent almost the whole morning crying. I had a conversation with my Dad and I just couldn't keep from bawling while I tried to explain to him how confused and desperate I am once  again. I'm in extreme pain. There are just too many things going through my mind right now. I feel so sad and disappointed because of a lot of things.

This afternoon, while working and munching on vacuum processed okra, I felt pain in my chest, a kind of pain I couldn't ignore. There is just too much emotion bottled up inside of me and I can barely cope.

Dad said the best thing to do in situations like this is to resign. To just stop struggling and leave all my cares to God. How I wish it were that easy. There are reasons for me to be happy, joyful even. But then the cares I've been struggling with for the longest time are  here again pinning my already frail body to the wall. Everything's just too complicated right now. 

I am so complicated and I hate it. But I can't be any other way.  Dad said he could understand why I am so affected, he said it's because I've always been a special child. I guess it will take a while before I can finally be joyful again. Pray for me, please.