Tough life

It's the first month of a new year and while I'm determined to straighten a lot of crooked corners in my life another part of me just wants to hold on to the past and continue bearing grudges against people who did not have any qualms about hurting me in the past.

I've been seriously contemplating whether I should still trust some people again and even genuinely help them in their situations. I've already decided to forgive but will I be willing to open myself up to being betrayed again? I should just move on and forget everything. That's the Christian thing to do, right? Or is it? Can you fault me for being just a little bit jaded and wary?

God knows I've been trying so hard to do the right thing--to reach out to those who have hurt me the most--but He also knows that there are still traces of bitterness in my heart. And much as I want all these traces to go away in an instant the truth is, what happened in the past still hurts me real bad. I have learned to forgive, but I still remember everything clearly. I just can't come to terms with the fact that some people I cared for really doesn't give a hoot about how I feel.

I was reading through Jim Paredes' blog and I saw this:

Another way that you love your enemy is this:

When the opportunity presents itself for you to defeat your enemy,
that is the time which you must not do it.
There will come a time, in many instances,
when the person who hates you most,
the person who has misused you most,
the person who has gossiped about you most,
the person who has spread false rumors about you most,
there will come a time whenyou will have an opportunity to defeat that person.
It might be in terms of a recommendation for a job;
it might be in terms of helping that personto make some move in life.
That's the time you must do it.
That is the meaning of love.

In the final analysis,
love is not this sentimental something that we talk about.
It's not merely an emotional something.
Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men.
It is the refusal to defeat any individual.
When you rise to the level of love, of its great beauty and power,
you seek only to defeat evil systems.
Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system, you love,
but you seek to defeat the system.

-Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I agree with him completely, but getting rid of my emotions is another thing. It would take time and a lot of grace from God.