Hava-You: On why I’d choose to sleep with my pair of hot pink Havaianas over you anytime*

Last week, my colleague conveyed how much she likes my pair of hot pink Top Havaianas. She said she’s been trying to get such a pair but every time she goes to U of Rustan’s or the new Gas store at Greenbelt they are always out of stock.

I told her how I got my pair at 10:00 AM, one weekday sometime ago, at the Chocolate shop at Galleria just as the salesladies were putting the newly arrived flip-flops on the display hangers. I also told her how I went back to the shop with my best friend the day after I got my pair only to find out that all the hot pink ones have been sold out.

Oh yes, just like the red Top Havaianas, this hot pink pair is a bestseller. Women literally salivate and fight over this pair of tsinelas. They’re stunning. There’s a waitlist for these in most stores and women literally line-up to bag these gorgeous guys.

These facts bring me to the realization that you’re a lot like my beloved Havaianas.

You’re a bestseller. Women literally salivate and fight over you. You’re stunning. There’s a long line of women waiting for their chance to bag you--HAH! They wish! That’s never going to happen and you know it! (wink, wink!) But the similarities end there.

And the difference starts here:
(Legend: H - Havaianas; Y - You)

H - My beloved tsinelas were made for walking, and I mean walking, for miles and miles and miles....
Y - You were made for sleeping, and I don’t mean the sedentary adjective used to describe a person in a state of rest.

H - I can walk for days while wearing it without feeling any pain.
Y - I can’t walk you to the mall, or any other place that doesn’t come with a bed and room service, lest we bump into, and get mauled by any one of your victims-turned-psychos.

H - My sweet hot pink tsinelas does not mind that I walk with different Havaianas on different days.
Y - You don’t really mind that you sleep with different women on different days.

H - My Havaianas were designed for my comfort alone.
Y - You were designed for your comfort alone.

H - They said it is the most comfortable pair of flip-flops on the planet and they were not kidding.
Y - You said you’re not going to fool around, but you were just kidding, of course.

H - My Havaianas are always there for me whenever I need them. They’re always at my service.
Y - You’re always there when you need me. You want me to be at your service all the time.

H - All it takes is a few minutes, an old toothbrush, and some soap and water and my Havaianas are good as new.
Y - It would probably take more than ten lifetimes and divine intervention, a few specially formulated potions and constructed mantras (with matching thunder and lightning, plus the soundtrack of Pinoy Blonde!) to turn you into the angel your Mommy thought you were when you were born.

H - My Havaianas make me look gorgeous.
Y - You think you’re gorgeous.

H - I wouldn’t mind if a friend walks with it for a day as long she returns it the next day.
Y - I would mind if you sleep with my friend even if it’s just to, well, let out some heat.

H - My Havaianas cost me less than PhP 700.00 and it’s now worth so much more because of all our happy memories together.
Y - You cost too much, you’re not worth it, and you don’t even evoke happy memories.

Because I’m kind, and nice, I’ll end the comparison here. ;)

Tonight, I’ll take my squeaky clean hot pink Top Havaianas to bed with me again. Call me Ms. Freaky, I’m too happy to care.

Good night, sweet one! (I don’t mean you, silly!)

*In other words, just another tall tale