Downtime

For almost a month and a half now I've been suffering from a really bad case of downtime. I just don't have the creativity, energy and willpower to write my magazine articles and enthusiastically do myPR work. I have yet to write 3 feature articles for the magazine that were due last month. (Thankfully, this morning I was able to finally write one article, so it's 1 down and 2 more to go!) I've tons of press releases to write and a half a dozen events going on.

I'm supposed to be okay except for this one little thing that's been bothering me. And yes, it has something to do with my emotional life. I'm falling for someone I'm not supposed to fall in love with. I know nurturing this feeling is futile and the people closest to me would do everything to stop me from being with this person. I know all the reasons why I shouldn't even waste a single second thinking about him. But I am helpless. I want to forget him but I can't and it's bogging me down. It's affecting everything else that's going on in my life.

I want to be set free from this intense emotion that is only causing me so much pain. But I am clueless. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I have no choice but to ride this wave of emotion no matter how long it takes and how difficult it gets. I just pray that it will be over soon, before it gets more painful than it is now.

Sawa na akong mag-untog ng ulo ko sa pader. I'm too hard-headed for it to have any effect on me, anyway.

####

Dear God,

I know I got into this mess on my own. I willfully exposed myself to pain. I'm too embarassed to ask you to get me out of this mess because it is entirely my fault that I'm here now. But please, God, I'm asking you to allow me to finally let go of this feeling, this love I have for this person, it was never right and nothing can set it right. I knew it from the start but I was too stubborn to accept the facts. I was driven by my loneliness and I failed to trust you to give me something better, something that would really last. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Let me learn to appreciate what I have instead of constantly pining for something that is not rightfully mine.